Never Allow Yourself To Feel
by Teach McGinnis
Summary: Teach is a new newsie. Born and raised in Brooklyn. but when a string of nightmares threatens the newsies, will they be able to help her? or will she have to run from both sides of the bridge?
1. Never Allow Yourself to Feel

Never allow yourself to feel.

Teach McGinnis

I don't own the newsies, I do own Ramble and Teach.

_I heard the front door shut and I cursed to myself. It was going to happen again, I shook my head as I looked up and found him standing there, his body humped over. He just looked at my face and smiled, but I knew what was behind that smile. He was drunk again; a sign that work hadn't gotten better. I tried to smile up at him, anything to slow the process. _

" '_ey Izzy" he slurred, walking toward me. He smirked and ran a hand down my cheek. I winced and backed up slowly._

"_aw Izzy, calm down.. this wont hoit" he slurred once more, slapping my cheek. 'He thinks he's being nice, he thinks he's being playful. He has no idea the pain he's causing' I thought to myself. _

"_NO!" I screamed, backing against the wall, my arms up over my face trying to stop the blows. My face was already covered in more bruises then I knew what to do with from this mornings activities. I could feel blood drip from my lip as I cowered against the wall. He just advanced grinning like mad, each hit getting bigger, each hit getting harder. His eyes were glassed over, no idea what he was doing. This had become his routine, go out, get drunk and try his way with me. His hands reached me finally, pinned against the wall. He ran his hands all over my body, not stopping, reaching anything his fingers came across._

" _whats da mattah?" he asked chuckling slightly, still reaching out for any flesh he could. _

"_STOP!" I cried crumpling to the floor, my arms offering little protection against his hands. I closed my eyes feeling the tears running down my face; I tried to mentally escape the hits, his advancing hands. I focused on the celing, on the walls, on anything but his face. I felt his arms grasp me pulling me from the floor, and then it all went dark._

I woke up in a cold sweat and looked around. I heard the familiar sound of soft snoring, and squeaky bunk beds of the boys moving around. I looked around at all the shadowy bunks and boys sleeping on them and remembered I was in the Manhattan newsboys lodging house, and tried to calm my breathing. I sat up and wiped my face with my sleeve, and inhaled deeply. _It was a nightmare, that's all it was, you're gone from him._ I told my self sliding down off my bunk toward the open window in the washroom. I climbed out onto the fire escape and out onto the roof. I crawled out toward the edge and sat down, pulling my legs up to my chest. I had a tough time sleeping as it was with all the boys, and now these nightmares were making it almost impossible. I sat there staring at the other rooftops, the moon was playing with the light of the stars, and I glanced up and noticed how full the moon had gotten. I was lost staring at the stars, I didn't even notice when someone else had climbed onto the roof.

" 'ey" a voiced called out behind me.

"Holy shit!" I screamed as I jumped up and spun around holding my chest. I glared at the person who interrupted my thoughts and raised an eyebrow. I stood there in shock and disbelief.

The intruder just smirked and walked over to me, his ice blue eyes shinning, he sat down where I had just been sitting and leaned back on his hands. After my breathing calmed for the second time again I sat down next to him, cocking my head to the side. He just sat there, as if he had been there all along.

"Spot? I thought youse was commin' tomorrow?" I asked curling my legs up to my chest again. A girl could die, being scared to much in one night. He only smirked, and shrugged his shoulders tilting his head to look at me.

"I got here about an hour ago, sides you know I like to surprise da Manhattan newsies" he said his eyes shinning. I rolled my eyes and forced a smile at him.

"oh yeah, but did ya have to scare the shit outta me too?" I said glaring at him. He just smirked his annoying smirk and nodded.

"I gotta keep you inline while you're here" he stated. He looked back toward the rooftops and we sat in silence for a few minuets. I kept looking at him from the corner of my eye, hoping he didn't notice. I always liked to watch people, when they stared off at something. It was like looking into their soul. Everyone had a different look when you were stuck inside yourself, it always sold you for who you really were. It was rare for Spot to let his guard down, but tonight was one of those times. His eyes looked shiny with the lights from the city, and his face seemed pensive and calm. I liked that about him, all his different looks, he was the master at hiding his feelings, faking the world into believing whatever he wanted it to believe. I hoped one day he'd have a special look for me. I shook my head again, _he'll do it to you too Liz, he'll do it to you too_ I thought slumping back down against my legs.

I had no Idea how long Spot had been standing behind me, or if he had heard me in the bunkroom. I hated Spot sometimes, because he always knew things before everyone else, he could hide easily if he didn't want to be seen. I furrowed my eyebrows in thought and glanced at him. As if knowing what I was going to say I felt Spot turn toward me.

"I heard ya callin' out again Teach" he whispered quietly not really looking at me. He knew I had nightmares; he was the one that found me that night. He was the one that made me go to Manhattan, and even get out of the alley way. I refused at first, I hadn't seen him before but I was bleeding and hungry and he promised to help with both of those things. It did take a good 20 minuets to get me out of there, but I was almost glad when I did. He had also given me my nickname, well to help the other newsies to pick one.

"_hmm what should we call ya?" He asked holding his chin with his hand. I just shrugged at him and crossed my arms. I had been there for a week and he was still calling me "hey goil". I never told him my real name, and he didn't believe the one I had told him. _

"_Every newsie needs a name" he stated still looking me up and down and I could almost see the wheels turning in that cocky head of his._

"_duh" I mumbled looking at my hands. I was getting sick of being stared at._

"_youse get a lot of nightmares" one newsie piped up. Spot turned and glared at him and he shut up instantly. I could feel my face flush slightly, I didn't think I ever called out during those nightmares, but I guess I was wrong. _

"_youse pretty good at teachin the younger kids ta read, we could call ya Teach" Ramble interjected. I looked up at the tall Newsie and smirked. I was pretty good at that, I felt like I always had a class of the little ones. I liked the younger newsies, they didn't and couldn't hurt a fly._

_Spot smirked again and nodded at Ramble._

"_Teach it is. " he walked over and smirked down at me._

"_at least I wont be 'hey goil' anymore" I forced a smile at the Brooklyn Leader and took in my new name._

I looked over at him and shrugged. It didn't matter if he heard me or not, I didn't want to talk about it, I never did. I think it almost bothered Spot not to know what was causing them.

"They've been getting less often" I simply stated, hoping he'd believe me. He gave me the once over, and I couldn't tell if he believed me or not, but he didn't press it. I liked that about Spot, he had a no ask no tell policy. I never asked about his past, and he asked only the questions he needed to know, and left it alone. It was the perfect match, my past needed to stay hidden to protect me and those newsies I had just moved in with. I looked back up at the stars and shivered a little bit, finally noticing that I was chilly. Spot noticed this time and stood up and cleared his throat,

"you bettah git inside Teach, youse gotta sell in a few hours" He smirked and tapped his hat with his cane and disappeared over the side of the roof.

I shook my head and stood up. I inhaled deeply again and took in the brisk night. I loved the night time. The stars always seemed too innocent, and innocence was something I had long ago given up. I walked over toward the direction of the fire escape and took one last look at the stars _keep me safe tonight_ I prayed, the stars seemed to twinkle a response back to me, I smiled climbing back into the bunkroom.

**Your reviews would be great!! This is my first story,and first chapter. so I'm always open to feed back!!**


	2. Everything is Smoke

Everything is Smoke

**Thank you so much for all your reviews!! It was nice to know someone was reading!!**

I don't own the newsies sadly. I do own Teach and Ramble.

"Blink! Dats my shirt!"

"no it aint!"

"give it back before Ise soak ya"

"ya gotta catch me foist"

I heard the beginnings of a fight between what sounded like Race and Blink waking up the entire bunkroom. I sighed and rolled over closing my eyes tighter, trying to get a few more moments of rest. I felt my bunk shake a little bit and peered over the side. Race and Blink were wrestling around on the floor, knocking people over left and right. I shook my head and sat up '_Another wonderful morning'_ I thought as I rubbed sleep from my eyes. I was actually amazed that I had gotten back to sleep after crawling into the bunkroom. I slid down from my bunk and walked toward the sinks, half awake.

" ' ey Teach, how ya sleep?" I looked up at Mush grinning down at me and smiled.

"On me back mush " I responded trying to open both eyes for the guy a smile playing on my lips. He just reached over and messed up my hair before going the opposite way to put his shirt on. I walked over to the mirror and winched. I looked awful, as awful as you could be with out sleeping more then 8 hours in a week. I shook my head, trying to change the image I saw, frowning.

"Teach, dat aint gunna woik" Jack said behind me, laughing playfully. He walked up next to me, shaving his face carefully.

I stuck my tongue out at him and smirked.

"I was tryin ya make you look more handsome" I reached down and splashed some water at him. He just chuckled and threw some shaving cream at me. I smiled at him and shook my head again. I quickly washed my face and ran a brush through my mess of brown hair. I took one last look in the mirror before heading into the bunk room, past the still fighting Blink and Race and down the stairs and out to the distribution center.

--

" 'ey Teach" I heard him call as I entered the gate to get my papers. I rolled my eyes again, _I just talked to you_ I sighed and stopped; turning around to face the Brooklyn leader. I crossed my arms, waiting for the usual instructions that would come about.

"ise want ya to sell with Jacky-boy today" he said leaning on his gold topped cane. He made sure to lock eyes with me, his icey blue mixing with my brown. By that look alone I knew it was serious, and 

not to disobey him. I shook my head again and shrugged, walking up the ramp. I felt Spot behind me and I turned to look at him.

"any reason why?" I asked him stepping inline as the line shortened. Spot just stood there looking around like we weren't even having a conversation. I hated when he did that, I know he had to keep a look out at all times, but it just made me feel like I wasn't important enough to talk to him.

He smirked and tilted his head.

" 'ey ise da king of Brooklyn, what I say goes remembah?" he asked raising an eyebrow. I smirked slightly at the cocky, arrogant tone in his voice. I just nodded at him and bought my usual 100 papers and went off to wait for Jack.

"Teach, if Ise catch you not sellin' with Jacky-boy, Ise gunna drag yer butt back ta Brooklyn" Spot said pointing his cane at me, before he made his way out of the distribution gate, to sell his own papers. I shook my head again, and smiled. I never understood boys. Sometimes they beat you, sometimes they took care of you, and you never knew what they were going to do. I looked around through the mess of people and finally found Jack near the gates. I looked at him puzzled. He had beaten me to the gate, yet I didn't see him pass me. I walked over to him and smiled sweetly.

" 'ey cowboy, I guess Im yer sellin partner today" I said batting my eye lashes at him. I knew he didn't care, what Spot said usually went, even in his part of town. Jack smiled and nodded, heading toward the center of town, his favorite spot. Too bad it was HIS as well.

--

After a good 3 hours, Jack and I had finished our selling, and were watching the boxing match in the center of the market. I sat there on the edge of the bleachers cheering on both men. I never encouraged boxing much, but after those fateful years, I found learning to fight was key to living on the streets. I looked down, feeling my stomach grumble. I hit Jack with my elbow,

"Cowboy, lets go to tibbys eh?" I asked standing up from my spot. I tugged at Jacks sleeve, getting his attention from the match. He just sighed and stood up, still not taking his eyes from the two men. I laughed at him and tried to pull him faster.

"ya know, dis could woik bettah if youd help" I called back to him, still smirking. He just shrugged and finally decided to walk with his own too feet.

"fine, fine, it was gettin' boring anyway" he mumbed. He hung his head low and we made our way to get food. We walked in silence for a while, I looked around smiling. I loved the busy market place, its where I did most of my thinking, where I could people watch and not be bothered. Meat shops, fruit stands, flower stands. It was the most interesting part of living in the city and I couldn't get enough. I 

was just watching a mother bend down to hug her son, after falling down on the sidewalk when I saw him.

He stood there calm and collected, leaning against the wall with a lit cigarette in his mouth. His brown hair falling into his eyes, I'd know that face anywhere. A crooked smile plastered on his lips as he looked around at the women around him. It was a handsome face I would normally admit, but today I stopped dead in my tracks forgetting to breath. Frozen with fear, my eyes wide, my arms going into the defensive position. Jack walked a few paces ahead of me and stopped, noticing my sudden departure from the walk and raised an eyebrow

"teach?" he asked turning to look at me. He followed my glance and looked at me. I didn't even wait to see his reaction, I just started running anyway I could dodging in between people. I didn't even check to see if Jack was following me I just ran. _How? Why? Why was he standing at that street corner? He lived in queens? _ I thought, my heart pounding in my chest. I knew I should go to tibbys, because all my friends would be there and Id be more hidden. I willed my self to run there, I could finally hear Jack behind me, he didn't yell for me to stop. I rounded a corner and stopped a block away from Tibbys. Jack caught up with me in a moment. I slammed back against a wall, my hands on my throat trying to catch my breath. The vision of his face, frozen in my mind, as I calmed down.

"Teach?" Jack asked again, standing by me, also trying to catch his breath. He just looked down at me and waited. As the leader of Manhattan, I guess he had a right to know? I waited a few moments and then I looked up at him.

"um Jack, its nothin' just somethin' from my past I didn' want to run into" I said still panting. I shook my head again and dodged past Jack into Tibbys. I quickly found a seat between Racetrack and Mush and slid down not wanting to face Jack again. At least not for a while. I heard the bell ring over the door and Jack came in, only this time he was with Spot. I cringed and leaned over to talk to Mush, trying to ignore the two leaders as best as I could. I knew Id hear it from Spot, I just wanted to appreciate my lunch before hand.


	3. If it kills me

www.If It Kills Me

Teach McGinnis

I sat there, not really paying attention to the stories that were happening around me. I would occasionally nod my head or smile, catching bits and pieces of the conversations. But I was too clouded to know what was going on. I hadn't even touched my food, and I hadn't noticed until Mush leaned over.

"Teach are ya gunna eat dat?" he asked already grabbing for my plate smirking at me. I forced a smile back at him and shook my head.

"nah go ahead" I told him, shoving the plate closer into his hands. After that little interruption I was basically left alone with my thoughts. I couldn't help but shiver a little at the image I had in my mind. He was back, standing on the same street corner I had first met him on. The same brown hair and flirty eyes, same pretty and honest face, along with that sturdy build. The first place where I thought my life was going to change forever. I was right though, about my life changing forever. I just didn't know at the time, that it wasn't going to be a good forever. He was good at what he does; fooling girls into a false sense of security before he rips it all from you. I shook my head and frowned, trying to break my thoughts from HIM. It was good timing too, because at that exact moment I felt two pairs of eyes staring at me. These weren't the normal eyes that had been staring at me all day; these were the eyes I didn't want staring at me. I reluctantly turned and looked up at the two pairs of eyes, each belonging to two certain Newsie Leaders. I tried to smile up at the two of them, but I was met with stern looks.

"Teach, come wid us" Spot said reaching out and grabbing my elbow. He knew he'd have to force me to come with. I didn't want to face anyone but especially them. I hung my head, but followed silently. They took me out side into the same alley that Jack and I stopped running in. I was lightly shoved against a wall, while the two of them almost blocked me in. I knew they weren't going to do anything to harm me, but it was still unnerving.

"now Teach, you gotta tell us what happened with ya today" Jack started out saying,. They both crossed their arms, almost mirroring each other. I looked up at between them and shrugged.

"I just saw something of my past I don't want ta talk about" I said trying to keep my voice even. I could tell Spot didn't believe it, he cocked his eyebrow up and tilted his head at me.

"Now Teach, we can't protect ya, if we don't know da facts" He said still staring at me. I doubt this kid ever lost a staring contest. I shrugged again, and I figured it wouldn't hurt to let one more fact escape my lips. It was dangerous to tell them any more then was necessary. I didn't want to hurt any of the Newsies, and my past certainly could do that. I broke eye contact from Spot and stared down at my hands.

"The same past from my dreams Spot" I said quietly, hoping that would be enough for the Brooklyn Leader. I concentrated on my hands almost refusing to look into his piercing eyes. I felt them both shift, and Jack cleared his throat.

"Oh teach" I heard spot say quietly. He knew it was not something rose colored and pretty.

"Well, in dat case, den runnin' away was da best ya could 'ave done" Jack stated almost uncomfortably. Had I really called out that often? I didn't think that my nightmares were that often, or that loud. I glanced up finally, at the two of them, they were still staring at me, but their gaze had softened. I shrugged again, and waited for a cue or something to come from these two.

Spot looked over at Jack, those two keeping eye contact for a moment, and then he turned to me.

"Teach, Ise takin' ya back to Brooklyn. Its safer, and deres more newsies dat can protect ya" He said almost staring me down again. I just nodded at him and then looked at Jack, who was also nodding.

"We can't let 'im see ya, an' its too risky here" Jack said. The look in his eyes was almost sorry that his Newsies couldn't help this time. Not with HIM too close by. I nodded at him and smiled slightly at him.

"thanks though Jack, for all your help" I told him giving him a slight hug. He just smiled and hugged me back.

I looked at Spot and he nodded at me again. I shrugged and looked up at Jack again, smirking slightly.

"Will ya tell the other newsies good bye?, and I'll see 'em soon?" I asked batting my eyelashes again. I didn't want to go into the restaurant and tell them goodbye myself. The less they knew about what was going on the better. Jack nodded at me and smiled. I turned to Spot and shrugged again. It was becoming another habit I guess.

Spot and I walked toward the Manhattan lodging house to get my things. I didn't look at Spot the entire time; I knew what he would say, and what would happen. I just looked straight ahead; at the world around me. We walked in silence until we made it to the lodging house. I walked up the stairs to the bunk I had spent the last few weeks sleeping on. I gathered my things, and went to the washroom to clean up a little bit. I mean I was about to be with the Brooklyn boys. They didn't let a girl anywhere near the washroom until they were all out. I went to the mirror and stared at my reflection. I was annoyed at what I saw. I looked tired, the circles under my eyes getting much worse, I looked like I hadn't slept for years. My hair was stringy and there were knots in it that would take years to get out. I frowned and tried to wash some of the dirt off my face. When I was done, accepting the reflection I saw, I walked back down stairs to Spot, who was waiting.

He smirked at me when I came down and looked me over.

"Can we finally go? Yer majesty?" he said smirking at me. I swung at him with my hat and hit him on the arm. He laughed at easily dodged it. He smirked and swatted me back with his hat. I shook my head at the Brooklyn leader and headed out the doors toward the Brooklyn Bridge. He caught up with me easily and walked along side me, swinging his cane. We walked in silence again, but it was never awkward with him. I stole a few glances at the fearless leader as we walked; and he caught them back. I knew he was worried about me, but I couldn't tell him, not yet anyway. Finally he turned to look at me, I knew his time to question me was here.

"Teach, we gotta talk about dese dreams" He said never shifting his glance from me. I stared at him, never breaking eye contact. I was determined to win at this game. I only shrugged again, and faced the road again.

"Spot like I said, I don't want to talk about my past. I certainly don't want to talk about the nightmares and the guy behind them" I spat at him. I was sick of thinking about him today. He was my past and he sure as hell was going to stay that way. I crossed my arms like a defiant child, daring him to say more. I knew he was helping me, but I couldn't help that I was mad about it.

Spot just glared over at me. He eyes were icy blue, a hint he had changed from playful Spot, to leader Spot in a matter of seconds.

"Teach, You will tell me what's going on. I wont 'ave me newsies hoit cuz of somethin' stupid you did" he said to me, narrowing his eye to make his point. I rolled my eyes at him, which of course was the wrong move to do. He grabbed my arms and threw me into the alley pinning me against the wall. He stared at me, his eyes cold, and his face even colder.

"Don't ya dear think dat Im gunna risk my boys for da wims of a silly goil" he spat at me. I could tell I was getting in deep, but I couldn't risk telling him. I looked into his eyes and I could feel the tears coming up, giving away my position.

"I don't want any of da boys to be hurt Spot, that's why I cant tell you. Not yet." I whispered. It was true, I couldn't let my past get in the way of the future. He stared me down again, and let me go, sighing.

'Fine, but you got a week" he said still glaring at me. He retook his cane in his hand and started for the lodging house again. I followed my head between my legs like a lost puppy. I mentally slapped my self for thinking that I could be a smart ass to Spot and not get reprimanded. I shook my head again; this was going to take a lot for me to tell him. I'd better get working on a story now, and fast. I couldn't handle it if HE came back before I was ready to take him on myself.


	4. Lost without you

Lost with out you.

_**Thank you so much for all the reviews!! Im trying to write these as fast as I can! Haha. I also hope im doing my idea of the story justice. I hope you enjoy!**_

We made it to the lodging house in once piece. I was in one piece at least; I knew Spot wasn't happy, not knowing what his newsies were up to. I shrugged mentally and walked up the stairs nodding hello to the few boys that were there. I didn't want to answer questions, nor did I want to be interrupted. I went to the bunk in the corner, my old bunk, and placed my things under the pillow. I finally looked around the room; a few new shirts and other belongings were hanging on some of the bunks. I sighed, it was a sign that new newsies had came while I was away, and I knew I'd have to teach them to sell, if they weren't good already. I wondered how many of them cases like mine, cases of abuse. I shrugged again; I didn't need to know; besides I'd rather hope that it was a different reason all together.

I felt someone staring at me and I turned around. I looked up into the bright green eyes of my best friend Ramble. He was taller then me, maybe about 6 foot, and he had wild bright eyes. They always made me feel better, a sort of innocence was in his eyes. His blond hair was always messy, I don't think he had a hair cut since he came to Brooklyn. He was a newer newsie like me, from somewhere down south. We had hit it off because we didn't ask questions about each other; we just took each other as we came. I smiled and jumped at him, wrapping my arms around his neck. He snickered and hugged me back.

" 'ey ya teach" he said into my hair. He pulled back from me and looked into my eyes. He smirked and messed up my hair with his hand.

"Ramble!" I yelled trying to dodge his hand. I smirked anyway and shook my head. He just grinned at me.

"'ow was Manhattan?" he asked sitting down on my bunk. I shrugged and sat down next to him.

"about the same as any other time" I said looking at him. We sat there a minuet or two just taking in the quiet.

"did ya 'ave the nightmares dere too?" he asked quietly. I jumped a little as his voice broke the silence. I just stared at him, _he never asked about my nightmares, why was he starting now_? I just nodded at him.

"yeah, goin' didn't help dem like Spot said" I mumbled to him. I sighed and rubbed my temples. I felt him shift as he sat next to me. I waited for him to touch me, or get up, but neither of those things happened. I opened my eyes and looked at him, tilting my head. He just shrugged and finally reached out and rubbed my arm.

"I'm sorry dat your nightmares aint gettin' bettah" he said simply. I knew that was enough from him. Just those words actually made me feel a little better about the situation. I smiled up at him and placed my hand on his.

"thanks Ramble" I said standing up. I looked around again and then back at the sitting Newsie.

"are there any new kids in need of my service?" I asked him smirking. It was my job to teach the younger kids how to sell, and how to get away from Spot if they made him mad. Spot never went after the younger kids, but sometimes it was hard to tell what he was going to do. Ramble nodded and stood up.

"dere are a few, maybe three of em. Boys, none older den 14" he said glancing at me.

He smiled and motioned for me to follow him out of the bunkroom. I rolled my eyes and went after him, catching up to his stride easily. We left the lodging house and made our way to the docks. I heard the laughter and the splashing before I saw them. All of the Brooklyn boys were out swimming and playing in the fading summer heat. It was getting to be fall, and it was the last chance for many of these boys to swim and be happy before the cold hard winters set in. I smiled at the few that we past that weren't in the water. We walked along the dock for a while before we came upon Spot. I rolled my eyes; he was sitting on his perch watching all the boys playing in the water. He looked as smug as ever, knowing nothing could take him down. He turned when he heard us approaching; He jumped down from where he stood and spit shook with Ramble, and my self.

"feelin' bettah?" he asked me, his eyes cold as if nothing had happened a just a few hours ago. I nodded my head and looked around acting the same way. We couldn't let the others know; besides it would ruin Spots rep, that he was concerned about a girl. I didn't see it that way, he was just worried about his boys, me being a girl had nothing to do with it.

"Spot, Im sorry about what happened on da walk home" I said looking back at him. He smirked and shrugged.

"What happened?" he asked me playfully. It was rare; spot was in a good mood again. That guy changed moods faster then anyone I had ever met. I shrugged and gave him a small smirk. I shook my head and made my way down the docks again. I was tired, and didn't feel like being out with all of the louder boys. Ramble stayed behind with Spot, probably to talk about queens or something. We were having a little bit of a problem with them. I walked back to the lodging house faster then normal. Sure I should have stayed and played with the boys a little bit since I had been gone. But it was staring to get dark, and I didn't want to be out alone. I hated being a girl walking around Brooklyn at night, I was such an easy target for the drunk men at night.

I made it back to the lodging house safely and went straight up to bed. I was tired and today had taken a huge mental toll on my body. I climbed up into bed and almost instantly went off to dream land.

"_izzy" He cooed at me rubbing my face with his fingers. He smiled down at me as we laid there taking in the lazy Sunday morning. I smiled back at him; I could feel my face glowing. He chuckled and kissed me again, gently. We pulled apart and I just smiled up at him. I was in heaven, lying in his arms, in the warmth of the sun. It had been a week since we were married, and nothing could be better. He was the perfect husband, the type that every girl dreams about. He had gotten us an apartment only a few blocks from my own house, so I could be close to my parents. He had just started a new job, and things were going great._

"_Hey Charlie, what do you think you would do if we get pregnant?" I asked him, tracing the lines in his chest with my first finger. He just smiled at me and kissed my forehead.  
_

"_I'd love it, a little you running around. I would hope for a girl, with your brown curls and your shining bright eyes. "He whispered into my hair. I sighed and leaned back into his arms. Nothing could go wrong, everything was perfect. At least I thought so at this point in my life…_

I felt someone shake me awake from my dream. I shuttered awake and looked up in to Spots face. He was shaking my arm which felt more like a frantic yanking. He looked disheveled and mismatched, as if he was sleeping and suddenly had felt the urge to wake me up. I glared at him and pulled my blanket around me tighter. It wasn't morning yet, and I had no idea why he would want to wake me, I had nothing to do with the queens business. He grunted and pulled the blankets down still shaking my arm.

"Teach, get up, I need to talk to you" he hissed when I pulled the blanket up again. I glared at him, and he promptly shoved me off of my bed. I fell in a heap on the floor, groaning as I fell.

"Damn it Spot" I whispered, glaring at him again as sat in the spot I fell. He just smirked at me.

"told ya to git up, I don't like havin' ta wait" he whispered back at me, his face was smirking, but his eyes were cold. They were almost a silvery blue tonight. I felt my self staring at them, and I couldn't pull myself away. Eyes always gave yourself away, no matter who you were. I knew Spot tried harder then any newsie to hide his emotions, but his eyes usually gave him away. He pulled me off the ground with my elbow, since I wasn't in a hurry to get up and pulled me back into his room. I snickered slightly and looked at him my eyes wide.

"Spot, I didn't know you wanted that" I said playfully staring at him. He made a face at me and shut the door.

"If I wanted it, Id let ya know bettah den dis" he said rolling his eyes. He motioned for me to sit down on the bed, and he took a stance by his window. I sat down my eyes still wide, this had to be important if he ushered me to his room. He sighed and stared out the window for a moment before he turned back to me.

"teach…I um.." He started before he ran his hand through his hair. He looked frustrated like he couldn't come up with the words. I just stared at him; it wasn't like Spot to be so tongue tied. He sighed again and turned back to the window.

"aw come on Spot, yer keepin' me from my sleep" I said yawning for emphisis. I really wasn't tired any more. The dream I had been having wasn't the safest one to be having right now. It reminded me of how my life used to be. It made me remember how soft and gentle Charlie used to be. It scared me, to be lulled into the false sense of security again in my most intimate dreaming state.

He sighed again and ran his hand in his hair for what seemed like the 20th time. He turned back around again and started pacing the floor boards.

"I know I told ya dat you 'ad a week ta tell me, but damn it Teach, I'm goin' nuts not knowin" He said looking at me as he walked. I stared up at him innocently; I had to hide my smirk though. It was almost amusing to watch Spot Conlon pace around because of something you had done.

"Spot, get over your ego, It was my past, not yours" I said crossing my arms across my chest. He glared over at me and kept pacing.

"Teach, when it affects me newsies, it becomes part of my past" he said quickly. He seemed to radiate frustration and I almost couldn't blame him.

"Spot, I aint tellin' ya because I'm not lettin' the newsies get hurt. If I tell ya what happened, it'll get bigger then both of us" I said slowly. I was right, if I told him he would band together all of the newsies to protect me, and it would start a war with HIM and the newsies who had become my family.

Spot stared down at me as he paced. I could tell he was still struggling with telling me something. I shrugged and sat there watching him. I pondered between whether or not I should tell him just yet. I mean He hadn't come to look for me yet, and the newsies were safe from whatever was going to happen to me. I stood up and faced him, not realizing how fast he was walking. Before he could stop he had slammed into me, knocking us both to the ground.

I felt his arms wrap around me as we fell, and when it was done I was pinned under the most infamous girl magnet in all of New York, with his face just inches from mine. It was then I forgot what we were even talking about, and it was also then that I knew I had fallen long and hard.


	5. Little You and I

Little you and I

**I don't own the newsies. Sadly. Don't we all wish we did?**

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed! I'm sorry about the cliff hangers. I'm so bad aren't I? haha It makes the story better I promise!! ENJOY!!**

I stared up at him, into his blue eyes. They were a bright blue now, close to the shade they were on the roof the other night. These were the color of safety, of the innocent young boy underneath. My eyes were wide as I stared at him. He didn't move at first, just stared back at me, his eyes just as wide as he stared down at me, at my eyes, my lips at my entire face. I realized then why I couldn't tell him about my dreams, I was too afraid for him, I was afraid he would fail. I was afraid I'd lose him, which almost made me feel silly. I couldn't have feelings for Spot Conlon! He was the leader, and we weren't like that. I never noticed before how his hair fell down just above his eyes, making him look sexy and brave. I shook my head and finally tried to push him off of me. He realized and jumped up off of me, muttering something that sounded like sorry. We both stood up and looked away from each other, I crossed my arms and he stared pacing again.

"Im, uh. Im sorry Spot" I said quietly. I was staring rather intently at the floor at this point in time. I could tell I was staring to blush, which always started in my ears and worked its way down to my cheeks. I felt Spot stop a few feet from me, and I felt his eyes bearing in to me. I refused to look up.

"Teach, Im da one who should be sorry" he said quietly as well. It was almost as if we were afraid to break into the silence of the night. He cleared his throat and placed a hand on my shoulder.

"I know dat its 'ard ta open up ta someone, but Teach, Ise wanna help ya. I care about ya, and I don't eveah want ta see you hurt" he said almost cooing at me. I felt tears coming to my eyes, and I didn't even know why. Maybe I did like Spot more then I had ever thought was possible. I shook my head slightly and I felt his hand move to under my chin, making me look up at him. He stared into my eyes, his entire face soft.

"Spot, I know dat you don't wanna see yer newsies get hurt. "I said softly staring at him again, his eyes still caught my attention. He sighed and shook his head.

"it aint just that Teach, I don't want ta see my boys hurt, but your not just my boy" he said before he made a face. I smiled up at him, its true I was a little different from a boy.

"I mean, yer different Teach." He said smiling at me. I raised an eyebrow at him and yawned accidently. He just smirked at me and let go of my chin. I shrugged, smiling at him and he walked to his door and opened it for me. As I walked past him, I reached up my arms and hugged him. He just smirked and wrapped his arms around my waist, pressing his face into my hair.

"Thanks spot" I whispered before I let go of him and made my way to my bunk to sleep.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

I laid there in my bed, unable to sleep. I was too awake with feelings, and concern. My mind was racing with the events that just took place, with Spot and the decisions that weren't fully maid. I sighed and rolled over again, unable to get comfortable as well. My mattress felt like a million wads of cotton, not soft and not feeling. I felt more comfortable on the floor under Spot then I felt on this mattress. I shook my head and mentally kicked myself. Who was I kidding? Spot never cared for a girl more then a week, and if he did, he usually didn't enjoy it. Besides, I was running away from something that should make me afraid of men all together. But there was something about Spot that made me feel safe, made me feel like nothing I had ever had before. When I was with Charlie, sure I felt safe, and happy, but with Spot, it was those feelings almost timed 10. I shook my head again, this was unrealistic. He told me that he cared about me, sure, he watched over his newsies, and he cared if any of them got hurt. It made sense, I cared for all of them too, they were like brothers I never had. I finally decided to see how things went; I was certainly blowing this out of proportion. I rolled over again and finally allowed myself to fall asleep.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

I awoke the next morning feeling the same sense of despair I had felt the entire day before. I rolled out of my bunk and ran head first into Ramble, who was also making his way to the washroom.

"Hey Teach" he cheered down at me, smiling widely. He was such a morning person, and it made me sick.

"Hey Ramble" I said not even trying to match his sense of happiness. He just kept smiling and ruffled my hair with his hand. I glared at him again and tried to dodge him.

"RAMBLE!! THAT'S ENOUGH" I yelled at him, I ran toward the sink and grabbed a jar of shaving cream, scooped out a handful and threw it at him. He laughed and dodged it, which then landed on the head of Dagger. He spun around his eyes wild.

"WHO DID DAT?" he yelled, grabbing another gob and throwing it toward my direction. I giggled and ducked out of the way, and it landed on another newsie. I had started a shaving cream war, I giggled madly and ran out of the room as fast as I could, not getting a spot on me. I ran down the stairs and felt Ramble behind me. When we made it out of the lodging house I toppled over in a fit of laughter. Ramble was right there beside me, on the ground as well. After a few moments and a ton of gasping I collected myself enough to stand up.

"Ramble! You stared it, you should still be in there getting covered." I said giggling. He looked up at me with a goofy smile and shook his head.

"not me! I ran after ya" He said nodding his head to make his point. I shook my head at the disgruntled newsie still laughing. I started walking toward the distribution office for the morning papes before they were sold out for the day. I looked around every so often just to be sure that HE wasn't around. I didn't need Charlie ruining my day, not to day. He had taken days away from me in the past, and today was going to be different. Ramble walked along side of me, talking about his selling day yesterday, and how he had heard me falling off my bunk last night.

"What were ya talkin' about? " he asked tilting his head to the side, much like a puppy does. I smirked and shook my head.

"No ya don't.. we didn't talk about much, it doesn't mattah" I replied waving my hand. It didn't matter much, nor did the thought that I liked Spot Conlon. No one needed to know, and it was going to remain that way. Besides it would ruin more then just his reputation. I had mine to think about, I mean I'm the teacher, the good old kind one, who doesn't take crap from anyway. Spot was the womanizer, the player, the dangerous flirt. I shook my head as we walked, trying to shake the thoughts out of my head.

"alright Teach, whatevah ya say" he replied dropping the topic. He continued on with his day yesterday, and then moved on to a girl he had seen for the past few days. I smiled as I listened; they named him ramble for a good reason. Even if he did ramble too much, it was easy listening to him.

We finally got to the distribution center; there wasn't much of a line. I smiled and walked up to the window.

"100 papes please" I told the guy, took my papers and headed toward the docks. At this time of day, it was the best place to sell. I felt Spots eyes on my back as I left, but I refused to turn around. He didn't need to see me, and I didn't need to see him. Last night could have been a dream for all I knew. I didn't know why I was acting this way. I'm not the shy type, nor the one to just ignore my problems and hope they go away. Charlie was the only exception I allowed my self to make with that personal rule. I just kept walking toward the docks. These docks weren't under Spots rule so I should be safe of him until tonight when I went back to the lodging house, at least so I thought.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

The morning went fast, as usual. All the men fishing and unloading the ships usually wanted a paper to read during lunch when they had a free moment to themselves. They also enjoyed a female sight as well. I had sold almost all of my papers by mid morning and I felt pretty proud of myself. I walked down toward the end of one of the docks. It was mostly abandoned, except for a few left over old fisherman, and a few seagulls. I sat down at the end and looked out into the water, thinking about everything. I needed to face the fact that Charlie was around again, and that I could get hurt. I was lost in thought again and I didn't notice when he came up behind me.

"Izzy?" I heard slurred behind me, as a tall figure approached me. I sat there frozen, unable to get up, unable to do anything. He had found me, and how I didn't know. I felt him behind me, closer now then I thought, because he reached out and touched my shoulder. I jumped a little and turned around, standing up to face the 6'4 figure.

"hey Charlie" I said quietly. I looked up at him quickly before looking down again. He just smiled and licked his lips.

"Its been a while Izzy" He said, still slurring his speech. I only nodded, and looked around some more. The closest people were a good 80 yards away and wouldn't be able to get here fast enough to help.

"It has Charlie, but say, I gotta get back to work.. so..excuse me" I managed to slur out, before I wrenched myself out of his grasp to walk around him. I should have known it wouldn't work so well. He reached out and grabbed my arm back, and pulled me to him.

"Not so fast doll face. I've been lookin' for ya' he said the same smile creeping into his face. His other hand reached for my waist to pull me even closer. I put my arms up to his chest and pushed away. He grunted and slapped my face.

"'ey dat aint da way to treat yer husband" he said tightening his grip on my arm. He leaned in a pushed his lips to mine, his breath tasted like whiskey and cigarettes. I fought to push him off me again, pushing his chest and whatever I could reach.

"Charlie!" I yelled, trying to escape. He just growled again and slapped me, pushing me down onto the dock. He hovered over me, pinning my arms above my head.

"It wont hoit" he said lowering himself onto me. I felt his free hand roaming around gripping everything and anything it could. I laid there, tears rolling down my face. I couldn't believe he was here, now doing this.

"DAMN" he called out. I opened my eyes and his free hand was cupping his cheek where I could see a small marble sized bruise already forming. A second later another one formed on his neck. I looked around and saw Spot advancing toward us, putting his slingshot away. He pulled out his cane and walked slowly up to us.

"git yer fat ass off of her" He snarled at Charlie. Charlie only laughed and looked up at him. He leaned down and kissed my chest again and looked at Spot.

"what are you goin' ta do?" he asked tilting his head as his other hand continued to roam around my chest. I closed my eyes and prayed that everything was going to be ok.

"If you don't git yer fat ass off 'er in three seconds, I'll come make ya.." Spot said raising his cane higher, and slowly coming up to us. I peeked at him, and winced. He looked madder then I had ever seen him, and I was instantly worried for him. Charlie just laughed at him again, slapped me roughly and threw me toward Spot. HE caught me and steadied me before I hit the docks. I cowered down on my knees my face in my hands.

"It aint ovah Izzy, I'm gunna come back for ya.." he slurred as he slumped away. I felt Spot curse and kneel next to me, wrapping his arms around me.

"shhh… its gunna be ok Teach.." he said rubbing my back and cooing to me. I shook my head tears streaming down my cheeks.

"No its not Spot!!, He found me.. he knows whos out there to protect me, and what your weakness is.." I yelled as I sobbed. I tried to stand up and get away from him, but his arms were too tight I just fell back on to him. I glared at him and tried to swing at him. He caught my hand and put it next to my waist. I looked at his face and all I saw was understanding and pain. I winced and I finally gave up when I felt him lift me to my legs.

"I'm gunna get ya back to the Lodgin house." He said scooping me up into his arms. I just let him carry me my face buried into his neck as he walked.

"Im sorry spot.." I whispered as we walked into the lodging house. He just tried to smile and shrugged.

"I'm just glad I was dere ta help ya.. we'll figure dis thing out Teach, I promise I aint gunna let him touch ya… I'd rather kill 'im" he said as he walked up the stairs and laid me in my bunk. He laid me down gently and tucked me into bed. I closed my eyes and slowly started to drift off, when I felt his hand brush along my cheek ever so gently, I thought I had almost made it up.

**Thank you so much for the reviews!! And I tried to make this chapter better, but I think it's a little random. Tell me whatcha think:?! Thanks!!**


	6. I'll take my chances

I'll take my chances.

**Thanks to all who reviewed!!! The story is hitting a road block right now, but im trying to write as best and as fast as I can. Haha **

_"Izzy? Are you awake?" he whispered. I was awake I just didn't want to move yet, so I kept my eyes closed. I felt him shift, and I knew he was leaning over me._

_"Izzy?" he asked again, before finally deciding that he thought I was still asleep. He shifted again against the soft fabric of our sheets. I smiled internally and pretended to move as well trying to cuddle up to him._

_"Izzy, I know you're a sleep, but, I love you. I know you know that I love you. But I wanted to tell you, that I've never felt this way before. You're the best thing that has ever happened to me. I can't wait to wake up every morning right next to ya." He whispered, moving the hair that had fallen down onto my cheek. _

_"you are the one, for now and always" he continued before he kissed my cheek and moved off the bed to get up for work. I smiled internally and nestled down into the sheets even more, completely in bliss._

I woke up with a jolt, and tears rolling down my cheeks. I sat up and looked around, last night hit me finally. I couldn't see Spot anywhere, even though it was clearly time to wake the boys. I climbed out of bed carefully, rubbing my sore cheeks. I walked toward Spots room, with no intention of what I was really going to say. I knocked a few times with stood, with out an answer. _He must be out? Or getting breakfast?_ I thought, even though the notion was a little silly. Newsies never had enough money to just go out and get breakfast, no matter how much we would want it. I wondered back to the washroom and finally looked into the mirror.

I gasped when I saw the reflection in the mirror. I had deep purple bruises covering my cheeks and a cut above my right eye. My eyes were swollen from the bruises and the crying that I had done. I winched and carefully washed my face. When I was satisfied with the girl who looked back at me, I went back to Spots room and knocked again. This time I heard someone getting up from deep inside and moments later a shirtless Spot opened the door. I smiled when He opened the door, rubbing his eye with his had almost as if he were a child.

"Teach? What are you doin' out of bed?" He asked glaring at me as he moved to take my arm and usher me back to my bunk. I winched and shook my head.

"Spot, I'm fine, I aint breakable china" I said trying to push against him. I heard a low growl escape his lips as he continued to push against me. I stared at him wide eyed and still refused to move. He looked down at me and shrugged.

"Sorry, Ise grumpy when I save a goil an she acts like dis" he said glaring at me again.

"Spot, I told you dat you shouldn't mess wid him" I said pointedly. He continued to frown at me, still pushing me toward my bunk.

"I saved yer butt, Teach, and as far as I know, wese gotta protect ya even more now." He said quietly. He sat me down on my bunk and sat down next to me, still apparently unaware that he was still shirtless. I sighed and looked around.

"it aint me Im worried about Spot, its da boys.." I said quietly bringing my gaze back to him. He shook his head and placed a hand on my arm.

"Dese boys live for fights and protectin each other. If dey don't protect each other, no one would be dere ta protect them.." he said trying to sooth me. I nodded at Spot and instantly got dizzy. I blinked a few times and looked at Spot.

"How hard did I hit my head?" I asked him reaching up and rubbing it with my right hand. He just shrugged and reached up as well. He ran his fingers along the bruises and frowned.

"Im just sorry dat I didn't git dere sooner. " he said quietly still examining my face. I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Don't be, it aint yer fault" I said, I just looked at him, because his hand was still on my cheek. He made a kind of grunting noise and took his hand down, looking almost pained that he had to. He shifted a little and looked around again.

"Ok, so fer da next few days yer sellin with either Ramble or Me, ya got dat?" he asked raising an eye brow at me. I shrugged and nodded at him, I tried to stifle a yawn with my hand and Spot saw right through it.

"Back ta bed for you" he said standing up. He grabbed my arm and tried to push me down. I shook my head and fought against him.

"No! Im sick of sleepin" I said pushing against him with all my strength. He smirked and pinned me down on the bunk under him. I looked up at him with my eyebrow raised. He continued smirking as he looked down at me.

"you'll stay here if I have ta stay on top of ya." He said down at me, his damn smirk still on his face, as if he knew he had won. I just looked up at him with my eye brow raised.

"Fine… but could ya get off my er, chest.." I asked shifting under him, his elbow was pressing down right on my left side. He smirked and nodded shifting his weight so he was only inches from my face. I just looked up at him, I couldn't figure him out, every time we talked he was different, either more distant or more willing to talk to me. He looked down at me, his breathing slow and calming. He glanced around my face, and my lips and before I knew it, his lips were pressed ever so gently against mine. They felt smooth and gentle against mine, and it surprised me by the rightness of it all. I gasped a little against his lips, but then returned the kiss. He deepened it ever so slightly, by releasing my right hand and rubbing his hand against my cheek. I returned the gesture and after a moment the kiss broke.

"Uh.. I .. um." He whispered looking down at me, as if checking to see if I was going to break down. I smiled up at him and shrugged.

"you don't have to do that Spot..I .. well. I liked it." I said quietly almost too embarrassed to say anything else. He smiled down at me and kissed me again, still as gently as before. After a few more moments of that he smirked and climbed down from my bunk.

"will ya get some sleep now?" He asked softly running his hand along my chin again. I smiled at him and nodded snuggling down under my covers.

He smirked and walked off toward his own room, still shirtless and still cocky. I shook my head slowly and went off to dreamland.

oOoOoOoOoO


End file.
